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Hoomph:
Describes the
overpowering 100h-120h frequency boom you hear if you stand next to the
bass amp. Now, commonly used to describe any mix, vocal or
instrument that has too much 100h-120h build up.
'Your hoomphy mix blew up my car
speakers! '
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Blatt:
A monitor, bass cabinet, or pa speaker that just can't "deliver" the
bottom without adding a cacophony of rattling and farting noises.
Although more prevalent in 70s-80's era speakers that were poorly
constructed or underpowered, you'll still catch a good blatt now and
then.
'This whole
system is blatting like Mel Schacher's bass rig.'
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Teiscy
Any performance or vocal that lacks commitment or style, or wimpy
drumming that is too "loungy" for the music being recorded. (Derived
from the old Teisco Del Rey guitar line)
'Quit
teiscing around and play it like you mean it!' "Are you
hitting those drums with q-tips, you teisc?"
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Ekalizer:
Generic name for any plug-in or piece of gear used to modify the sound.
"Change that
sound up...maybe some kind of ekalizer"
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Symphasizer:
Any keyboard that is not an acoustic piano.
"I need more
symph, like 80's... with that DX11 or AR14 sound "
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Goose Stepping:
When a vocal or instrumental part is played so "stiff", it causes other
people in the studio to mockingly "goose step" around the room. Picture
Lawrence Welk trying to play a soulful R&B tune.
"Watch out
for that rack of gear with your goose stepping there, Adolph"
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VOCALISTS:
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Moose Vocal:
A guide vocal for a female singer usually
sung by a male in falsetto; sounding a lot like Mr. Moose from Captain
Kangaroo. These days, any bad falsetto now qualifies as a Moose Vocal.
'Lee, go lay a moose so Susan can learn
the melody'
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Zwe-doo:
Describes what
happens to an airy, vibrato-heavy vocal that requires a lot of tuning.
The resultant sound is an airy 'zwe-zwe-zwe-zwe' high frequency
component added above the vocal.
'That vocal
has some awful zwe-doos on it'.
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Car Horn: (aka
"Squabbling" )
With Melodyne or
Autotune, you can remove any and all character from a vocal performance
rendering it completely soulless! (not to be confused with hip-hop's
intentional 100% robotic "Cher" autotune effect).
Before:
'Suck the life out of my vocal, it's skittering* all over the place'....
After: 'You squabbled my vocal; it sounds like it went through a meat grinder'.
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Fudding:
This
happens when a vocalist sings "vewy quietwy". Mouth artifacts that sound
sort of like Elmer Fudd, Sylvester the Cat or questionable
teeth.
"Damn,
I fudded that last line badly"
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Skittering:
The sound of vocalists who sang too many
five hour sets at The Holiday Inn (with bad monitors) and can no longer
hold out notes without humongous fluctuations in
pitch.
'Man I
suck. My voice is skittering like an asthmatic yodeler'
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Mouse :
A singer artifact where they trail the
last word of a line downward usually in scale steps instead of simply
holding it out. Like the kid's song 'Three Blind Mice'.
'Step on that
Mouse' (in other words , correct the bad vocal notes in that downward
triplet).
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Woodpeckering:
Wanna-be R&B vocalists love to sing bad,
overblown blues riffs all over the melody. It sounds something
like Woody Woodpecker's "Ha-ha-ha-hah theme song". You don't
have to be a local to do this, the big-timers ala Mariah Carey
have been guilty of massive "woodpeckering" for years.
"How 'bout actually singing
at least some of the melody without so much woodpeckering?"
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Tennis Ball Throat:
That great sound of a singer or
voiceover person has a hocker stuck "up in there" that causes
them to sound like a blend of bad Michael McDonald, Chewbacca
and Kermit.
"Looks like we'll have to
ekalize the tennis ball out of that vocal"
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Flatliners:
Group name affectionately given to
back- up vocalists that often sing flat, and require massive
tuning.
"Auditioning for the 'My Pillow' jingle remake, are we?" |
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DRUMS, BASS AND GUITAR:
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Oatmeal Boxes & Piepans:
One headed toms with a lot
of duct tape, snares last tuned in the 70's, and cheap cymbals.
'We'd like to thank our sponsor Quaker Oats!'
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Doof:
The sound of big, swaggering gated reverb tom fills (ala 80's rock
anthems)
"I want my
drums to sound like "In The Air Tonight"...do-doof, do-doof,
do-doof...!"
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Pat Boone, Debby
Boone:
Possibly the most universal pop drum fill ever. Think of Pat and Debby
as snare hits , Boone as a rack tom.
"Now, hold up
there Keith Moon, can't you give me a nice Pat Boone, Debby Boone?
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Ringo:
Playing 8ths on a crash cymbal or wide
open hi-hat (instead of the ride) to create a solid wash of noise. Like
early Beatle records
"Gimme a
Ringo on that bridge"
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Maracath:
Any kind of shaker (cabasa,
maraca, kielbasa...whatever) added to the recording at the request of a
'persnickety' Phil Spector wanna-be producer. It's never loud enough.
"I need more maracath, where are my maracath?- Phil
Sphincter"
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Shoebox:
A small guitar amp pretending to be a Marshall stack.
'Can you put some
kind of ekalizer on there to get a more manly guitar sound?'
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Mosquito Repellant:
A plug-in (ekalizer)
setting used to tame the buzzy, Mosrite-fuzz tone sound that
apartment-dwelling guitar players get from practicing metal licks at low
volume.
'What
is buzzing around my head?' or
'Rockman, there is thy
sting'
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Grumpy Bass:
Annoying sounds that muck up a track when the bass player either plays
too far behind the frets, or hits so hard that the strings rattle.
"Where is
that awful clacking sound coming from?"
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Velvet Thumb Bass:
The opposite of grumpy bass. This is where the bass player lightly
feathers the strings way up near the end of the neck, leaving no
definition to the notes at all... just an unmixable rumble.
'Is that
thunder or just a train going by?'
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